


Unloveable

by PuckPuck



Category: Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Angst, Drama & Romance, Female Fujisaki Chihiro, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, One Shot, Poor Taka, Tags May Change, Unrequited Love, first fic, not really much romance though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:22:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28376139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PuckPuck/pseuds/PuckPuck
Summary: Kiyotaka Ishimaru grew up being told nobody would ever love him. Will a certain biker change that?
Relationships: Fujisaki Chihiro/Oowada Mondo, Ishimaru Kiyotaka/Oowada Mondo (one sided)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 74





	Unloveable

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! So this is my first fanfic in the fandom as well as my first fanfic in general so I'm sorry if this is relatively generic and cheesy lol I tried. Characters may be a bit OOC so I apologize haha I'm gonna work on getting a better feel for everyone in the future. So without further ado I hope you guys enjoy!

If there’s one thing that Kiyotaka knew for certain, it’s that he’s incapable of being loved. All his life he’s known this, it’s a simple fact. His grandfather had told him so and made sure to get the point across every chance he got. His dad watched, never intervened, never comforted him afterwards, he was just _there_.

That couldn’t possibly be love, Kiyotaka was sure of that much. 

The kids in school didn’t like him very much either, although he had no idea as to why. They picked on him, laughed as they beat him. The teachers were just like his dad, never taking action. Only watching. He could’ve sworn he saw one of his teachers snicker as she walked by, others just looked down at him with pity.

For a while Kiyotaka was confused, none of the kids ever treated anyone else like this. They were so kind to each other, they shared snacks and laughed and chatted like normal. He didn’t understand why it was so different when it came to him.

His grandfather had told him that it was because he was an Ishimaru. He said Ishimarus don’t deserve love, it’s a name that carries too much sin. Kiyotaka still didn’t understand, but now that he knew, it didn’t bother him as much.

He decided he didn’t need love, he’d never had it and that was ok with him. Instead he chose to focus on his studies. His grades meant everything to him. It’s the only way he’d get his grandfather to lay off. It’s the only way he’d get his father to smile.

* * *

Being accepted into Hope’s Peak was a possibility he’d never even once considered. But yet here he was, entering his classroom on the first day of school.

As predicted, nobody really seemed too fond of him. They kept their distance, and quite frankly he didn’t blame them. He knew at this point it was to be expected. He wouldn’t wanna be near himself either.

However he had to admit this group was much nicer. They never went out of their way to taunt him at least.

Heck, even the kid with the hoodie —Makoto he’s pretty sure was his name— had tried to converse with him! It was very short-lived if not albeit awkward, but was a nice exchange nonetheless. 

He thought that maybe, just maybe, he’d actually make a friend or two here. 

Well...that was until that stupid biker and his punk friend had to go and ruin things for him.

As hall monitor, it was his job to prevent students from breaking the rules by punishing them accordingly. This proved to be a challenge when it came to the gang leader, Mondo Oowada and his extremely rude friend Leon Kuwata.

They constantly landed themselves in detention and when they weren’t in detention they were devoted to making Kiyotaka’s life a living hell. He’d get the daily insults: hard-ass, goody two-shoes, loser, etc. They’d throw papers and clumps of erasers at him in class. They’d find him and corner him and tell him how worthless he was, how he was annoying and loud and unbearable to be around.

As if he hadn’t already known all of that himself.

They’d continue like this for at least a good month or so until one day in after-school detention. 

He’d found out rather quickly that he had been interested in the tough biker. Something about him had piqued his interest, although he wasn’t exactly sure what. It wasn’t until a snide remark made between the two turned into a fistfight in an empty classroom that things began to make a bit more sense.

*thud*

“You wanna try run’n that by me one more fuckin time?” Mondo all but growled after slamming Kiyotaka against the chalkboard.

“Only a coward would resort to violence like this”

“Coward? Coward!? I ain’t no coward you piece of shit! The only coward here is you! You don’t know shit about me!!” Mondo’s fist collided with the side of Kiyotaka’s jaw, snapping his head to the side.

“Oh but I do know. You are running away from your problems like a coward. You use violence instead of dealing with your problems! I am no coward, I actually make an effort to fix myself!” There were tears beginning to prick in the corners of Taka’s eyes.

“You, Oowada, are so irresponsible, I don’t know how you think this behaviour will affect your life out in the real world!”

At that a whole new rage burned in Mondo’s eyes, he hit Taka again.

“If there’s anything I ain’t it’s irresponsible. Do you have any idea how much responsibility it takes to lead a goddamn gang!? Do ya!!?? It’s so fuckin hard, I put my everything into em, all of em. They’re all I have left!!! And I’ve had plenty of experience with the outside world!! Plenty!! You don’ know shit about me _Ishimaru!!!”_

Taka flinched at the use of his last name. Mondo had a point though. He really didn’t know anything about the violent gang leader. He let his biases get the better of him, and that is unforgivable. 

The tears began to flow down his face. “Y-your right. I’m sorry I made such insensitive conclusions about you so quickly. That was so wrong of me. Please, hit me again! I deserve it!” 

He looked up at Mondo and it clicked. He knew what had made him so intrigued by this boy despite how much he irked him. He could see in his eyes that he was troubled. He had his demons, just like he himself did. He had been so wrong to judge him. He’s a horrible person. 

As he continued to look Mondo in the eyes, waiting for more punches to come, he saw something unexpected. 

The biker’s gaze, once hard and full of rage, had softened a considerable amount. They almost looked...concerned? No that couldn’t be it. 

“Wha-dude. No. I’m not gonna hit ya anymore, ok?” His eyes shifted down. “Yeah you _were_ be’n an insensitive prick...but ya did have a point. Violence ain’t the answer. It’s somethn’ I gotta work on” he looked back up and met Taka’s gaze once more.

“When I first saw you, I had a...rather negative impression of you. I truly believed you were some reckless delinquent. I was concerned for you. I wanted to help you be a better person, but it turns out I was wrong. You’re a good person Oowada, I can tell. And your dedication to your gang proves it” Taka flushed a bit and this time it was his turn to break the eye contact. 

Mondo flushed a bit too but held his gaze, “Ya flinched when I said your name. Hard. What was that all about?” That took Taka by surprise. He noticed that??

“It’s nothing really. People use my name that way all the time. I guess that’s just my natural reaction haha” he forced out a laugh, trying to end this conversation quickly. Mondo didn’t look all that convinced. 

“Whaddya mean ‘ _use my name that way_ ’? What would people have against yer name?” Mondo looked genuinely confused. 

Was he serious?? He sure looks like it… “Haven’t you heard of Toranosuke Ishimaru?” 

“...no? Should I have?” Taka was utterly shocked. He explained the story of his grandfather and his downfall, and how it had affected him and his family. He mentioned the bullying that went on in his schools as well, but he left out all of the things his grandfather had... _done_ to him though. He can’t know how weak he truly is.

“Wow that’s…awful. I’m sorry ya had to go through all of that.” Mondo’s eyes trailed off to the side.

“It’s quite alright I assure you! It’s nothing I’m not already used to.” He smiled softly, Mondo really did have such a kind heart. 

“You really are kind, Oowada. That must be how you’re able to make so many great friends…” his thoughts left his lips without his consent and he flushed. How embarrassing…

“Nah I don’t got many friends, jus’ me ‘n ma gang. We’re like family though. Leon’s great an’ all but he’s also a bit of an ass. He’s tolerable though.” Mondo said with a smirk. 

“That must be nice…” Taka trailed off. 

“Yeah” Mondo agreed. “None of that compares to the relationship I had with my brother though”. A fond yet sad expression took form on Mondo’s face.

“You...had a brother?” Taka asked quietly. “Mhm” Mondo nodded. He went on to talk about his brother Daiya and the shenanigans they got themselves into. He talked about how he looked up to him, and how ultimately he ended up passing away.

A fresh stream of tears began to stream down from Taka’s eyes. How tragic! “I-I’m so sorry for your loss!” Taka all but sobbed at this point. 

“Hey, it’s alright! Ya know what? I think you an’ I, we can be bros! How does that sound to ya?” Mondo was smiling at him, tears unshed in his lavender eyes. 

“I would love that!” Taka let out a wet laugh and threw himself at Mondo in a tight hug, and without the slightest hesitation Mondo hugged back. 

* * *

Weeks went by and the two were practically attached at the hip, only separating to go to their own dorms at night. 

Taka had never been happier before in his life. Mondo, his kyodai, was his first ever real and best friend. However he began to feel as though he sees him as something more. 

Taka was in love with his best friend, Mondo Oowada. 

Taka wasn’t all too pleased with this discovery at first. They were best friends and he found it rather disturbing every time the biker made his heart flutter. They were bros, not lovers. And although Taka didn’t know much about friends he did know that his feelings for Mondo would most likely ruin their entire relationship.

But as time went on Taka began to think that maybe, just maybe, he didn’t have anything to worry about after all. The biker was pretty touchy with him, always giving hugs or ruffling his hair, and Taka had asked Toko, the master of romance, about that and she had confirmed that Mondo did seem to like him back.

That news was like a breath of fresh air to Taka. He knew he couldn’t take her words as truth, but he did believe that she was probably (hopefully) right.

As the two friends were walking in the hall together, Mondo was approached by a tiny girl. “Chi! How are ya?” Mondo waved as the girl came to walk by his side. “G-good, how are you doing today?” The girl smiled up at him.

Chihiro Fujisaki. Taka recognized. Strange, he didn’t know Mondo and her were friends. The slightest pang of jealousy hit Kiyotaka but he mentally scolded himself and pushed the feeling away. 

_’Stupid Taka stupid! He thought, of course Mondo has other friends besides you. He’s actually likeable. You on the other hand-’_

His thoughts were cut short when he felt a tug on his sleeve. “H-hello? You’re Kiyotaka Ishimaru right? I’m Chihiro! Chihiro Fujisaki.” The girl gave him a delicate smile. He gave her a big grin back. “Yes that’s me! However you can just call me Taka! Pleasure to meet you Fujisaki!” He gave her a small bow.

This caused her to blush a bit, chuckling, “you can just call me Chihiro!” Taka nodded and the three continued on their way to their class.

* * *

So now their duo had become a trio and as much as Kiyotaka liked the small girl, he couldn't help but miss spending time with Mondo on their own. He had wanted to confess his feelings for him for a while now, but something was holding him back. What that thing was he wasn’t sure, but he had noticed for a while now how Chihiro has made Mondo blush and sputter on multiple accounts. And his jealousy was beginning to return.

He decided to invite Mondo out to lunch with him this weekend, saying they needed a guys day, and thankfully Mondo agreed without question. 

He was going to confess to the biker.

He decided he needed to do this now or never. He needed to know if Mondo felt the same way.

They were sitting at a park bench, eating their lunch when he decided to make his move. And as he opened his mouth to speak, Mondo had beaten him to it. 

“Hey, Taka? I have someth’n I need to get off of my chest…” Mondo closed his eyes and his face began to go a bit red. “I HAVE LIKE A MAJOR CRUSH ON CHI!” He all but yelled.

Each word hit Taka’s heart like a bullet. He should’ve seen this coming, he really should’ve. He saw how he acted around her, he heard how loud he got when talking to her, how happy she made him. And how happy he made her.

Mondo continued on, “See, the truth is me n’ Chi have been sneaking out after hours to work out in the gym. She’s so passionate about her workouts n’ it’s so cute, she’s so cute n’ oh my god Taka would she even like me back?” He began to ramble. 

Suppressing tears because no, Taka absolutely cannot cry in front of Mondo right now. He doesn’t need to trouble him even more. He places a hand on his best friend’s shoulder and attempts to give him a reassuring smile. “Mondo, I know I’m not good with relationships, but I think even I can tell that Chihiro seems to most certainly like you back!” 

That got Mondo to smile back. A huge grin on his face. “Ya know what? I think I’m gonna ask her out later tonight! If she says no then she says no, but I think ya may be right bro! Maybe she will say yes!” 

The rest of the afternoon consisted of Mondo gushing about Chihiro and Taka trying his best to suppress his emotions. He could barely even think straight let alone finish the food without stabbing his fork a bit too hard into his lunch, earning him a few questioning looks. 

When the two parted, and Taka knew he was truly alone in his dorm, he snapped. He shoved all the pens and books off his desk, he ripped all the pillows and blankets off of his bed and kicked them around the room. He tore all the charts off of his walls and let out an anguished cry as he collapsed in a heap of tears.

It took everything he had not to scream but he didn’t even try to stop his downpour of tears. He put his head in his hands and sobbed. 

_’you’re an idiot Kiyotaka an idiot!! You’re an idiot for thinking even for a second that he liked you back! You were so blinded by your stupid feelings that you let yourself get carried away! You should’ve known he didn’t love you!! Nobody loves you.’_

Taka’s thoughts raced in his mind for what seemed like hours until they were interrupted by the doorbell ringing. 

Panic immediately set in as he raced around his dorm to tidy the place up. How could he let anyone see him like _this_?!? He then went into his bathroom and splashed some water on his face. Once he was satisfied with looking like he didn’t just have a major mental breakdown, taking a deep breath he straightened out his shirt and opened the door.

Mondo stood on the other side, a bouquet of flowers in one of his hands. His eyes scanned Taka over and took on a hint of concern. “Ya good there bro?” Taka blushed a bit and flashed him a small grin. “Yes I am fine! No need to worry!” He said almost a bit too cheerfully. Either Mondo didn’t notice or just chose to ignore it because his face relaxed into a grin as he responded “if ya say so! Anyways I’m gonna go confess to Chi n’ I was hoping ya’d go with me?” He gave him a hopeful look.

As much as Taka knew this would hurt, he knew it would only be more concerning to Mondo if he said no so he nodded his head and replied “yes of course Kyoudai! I’d be more than happy to support you in your romantic endeavors!” “Thanks bro! Yer the best!” Mondo chuckled and the two of them headed off. 

Mondo had asked Chihiro out, and naturally, she said yes.

She immediately started crying and Mondo engulfed her in a hug so tight it nearly lifted her tiny frame off the ground. 

As much as seeing the two so happy made Kiyotaka feel warm inside, he couldn't help the sharp pang in his heart. It was a mix of jealousy and betrayal and god did it hurt. He wanted to be happy for them, and he was but that was the extent of it. He decided that seeing his Kyoudai happy was enough for him. But as hard as he tried to convince himself of that, he found that he only really felt hurt. He gave his congratulations and bid them farewell for the night.

The next day at school the three of them sat together at lunch. Mondo and Chihiro were being all lovey-dovey with each other and though Taka had told himself at first that it didn’t bother him, it was beginning to really make him feel out of place. They barely even spoke to him let alone acknowledged him and he realized that maybe they didn’t want him there at all. 

To test his theory, he got up to excuse himself from the table. “Hey, if you guys don’t mind I’m going to go up to the library to study for the rest of the period.” He was hoping that maybe they would offer to go with him, like how Mondo usually would whenever Taka decided he didn’t want to go to the cafeteria for the day. But he got his answer when Mondo responded “Huh? Oh, aight bro! Cya!” And with that, Taka took his leave, glancing over his shoulder once he reached the door only to see Mondo and Chihiro sharing a passionate kiss. 

_’They never kiss each other when I’m with them...maybe I shouldn’t impose myself on them as much anymore.’_ He thought to himself as he made his way up to the library.

* * *

A month had passed and Taka had decided to give the new couple some more space. He only ever talked to them in the classroom and this seemed to be the best choice he could’ve made. The two of them were so happy with each other and similarly to how he and Mondo had been a month prior, they never left each other’s side. 

Mondo never asked Taka why he didn’t eat lunch with them anymore, and quite frankly he didn’t really even seem to care all that much anyways. If they passed each other in the hallway, the couple didn’t even spare Taka as much as a glance.

Besides in the classroom, he never spoke to Mondo anymore, and Mondo never spoke to him. 

He should’ve known all along that things would’ve ended up like this. He was an Ishimaru after all.

_’No. That’s a stupid excuse.’_

His grandfather had offered that as a reason when Kiyotaka was little but he knew now that that just wasn’t the case. Sure he knew that had played a major part in the reason why nobody liked him, but not many people at Hope’s Peak knew about his name and they still didn’t like him anyway.

He realized that because he was himself, nobody could ever love him. He knew this now, and he knew that love was just something he didn’t deserve. His worst sin was being alive. Why that was was something he once wouldn’t have been able to answer so many years ago, but the answer was simple. 

He was a terrible person. So horrible he couldn’t even be happy for his best friend let alone be near him now anymore. Because of what? Jealousy? Pathetic. _He_ was pathetic. Caring about nothing but himself, never even making an effort to mend his torn friendship with his first and only friend. He didn’t even deserve that much.

He sat alone at his lunch table, glancing over to the one that sat his once best friend Mondo, and his girlfriend Chihiro. They were both deep in conversation, lost in each other’s eyes as they smiled and laughed and Mondo had ruffled Chihiro’s hair just like how he used to with Kiyotaka. 

Taka looked away and chuckled a low, dark laugh. He should’ve known that it would’ve all ended up this way. Him being replaced by someone that was clearly better. But he could at least say he was glad that Mondo had found someone who truly made him happy. Did Kiyotaka ever make Mondo happy? Or was it all an act? He’d never know.

But there’s one thing that he did know. He knew that he, Kiyotaka Ishimaru, was unlovable.

**Author's Note:**

> If you made it here then thanks so much for reading! I'm really excited to begin writing more so I hope I can do better in the future lol


End file.
